I feel that by small bursts sometimes. I can't wait for the feeling to stay a little more; but I can feel its shape in what you write here, and that makes me so happy for you.
I relate to this comic so much. It's not exactly what you're saying, but before transitioning I always got the "she doesn't know how hot she is" and "if you would just wear some makeup, you'd be stunning," etc. Now that I present as a man, I don't quite feel like I'm aesthetically beautiful anymore and I thought I didn't want beauty anymore... turns out, I really do. Just not as a woman and not for someone else's pleasure
i feel like i'm getting closer to the point you're at too, so happy you're finally (most of the time) content with how you look.
it's funny cause it took me going on T and trying to be as 'masculine' as i could and then going off t and being more 'feminine', shaving my hair to ✨experiment✨, with the fulll intent of growing it out as long as possible afterwards, now i have a wolf cut and i'm not going back to short hair in a long while. turns out all along i just desired to look like a soft masc lesbian xd
So beautiful, thank you. Not trans but this echoes so many of my own thoughts on getting older and more conscious of myself, which Ive not seen articulated before
I have a different relationship with my body as someone who used to be very active and confident in my skin and now is bedbound with a disease. I often find myself feeling angry at my body for being broken, or I find myself feeling guilty because somehow inexplicably my disease must be my fault. This post brought up powerful feelings - I’m *not* crying. Thank you, I really needed it today.
It’s very strange to be a shy person and also want to project your SELF outward via your appearance. I struggle with this too. I really value and enjoy human connection, but I’m also autistic, and sometimes Other People are just TOO MUCH. I have brightly colored hair, so lots of people want to stop and compliment it. Which is amazing! And so kind! But there are times when it feels excruciating to be noticed. There is an expectation that because my hair is loud, I’ll always be willing to extrovert. My hair is loud because that’s how I feel the most like myself. But it is often viewed as an invitation to connect when actually, it’s just a fact. This is my appearance! I wonder how much personal signaling is considered an invitation when it should always be considered a fact. Lots to think about there!
(Also, if I saw you on the street and ever did a double take, it would 1000% be because I am A Fan, and would be fighting an internal battle between not wanting to invade your privacy and rushing up to you and telling you how meaningful your work is to me and my family.)
Dudeeeee I feel and felt exactly like that. Since it's summer I feel a lot more self conscious about my looks because my body is more easily perceived. And I can't stop feeling a bit uncomfortable at the uncertainty of not knowing what I'm going to look like in the future. But there is no "end result" really. Real life Its not about the before and after photos. It's really reassuring that you say you have been able to accept your personality to see that it's not really a confidence problem all the time. I'm not very good at fleeting social interactions myself, but I think that if I give myself the chance to 1) get out there and practice a lot and mess up until I get it right and 2) love myself and believe in what I'm putting out to the world, with a smile on my face and my head high, I think I will be able to feel okay and confident in my body. Still, it's hard to not be worried about being likable when it's kind of a safety mechanism, but sometimes people genuinely don't care and are just nice to you. I like giving that energy back.
God, I really really relate to this. I’ve been struggling a lot with my self image as T started really changing my body and it’s so confusing bc I am more comfortable generally, but I also feel so lost??? Like somewhere in medically transitioning I’ve lost my sense of style and honestly I just feel like an ugly blob. It’s confusing and frustrating and I don’t know what kind of guy I want to be. Thanks for this 💗
You said “unearned” confidence, but my dialectic (and loving) retort is that one hand, you totally earned it - you’ve been through a whole intense journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. On the other hand, none of us need to earn confidence. Btw judging by your drawings, you look absolutely “wonderful” 😊
I love that line "to be freed from the burden of beauty." I think that striving for beauty is toxic, especially for young girls (full disclosure: I just started reading Reviving Ophelia last night to help me guide my two daughters through the challenges that lie ahead for them).
Oh Nate, you really capture something that feels so true to where I'm at in my journey right now. I had top surgery in May, and as someone who identifies as non-binary and often questions (internally) whether I'm trying to put off that "maybe I just want to do the full thing and just give in to being a trans man" but I /know/ I'm afraid of being ugly (that Man Mystery Box of Hot or Ugly is really doing numbers on my psyche), it's helpful to remember that NO MATTER WHAT I CHOOSE, I'm just becoming more ~me~.
And that is wonderful, whatever it looks like. Thank you.
Really love your drawings. And the vulnerability in these posts. I always read them right away when they show up in my inbox. :)
Same!! I somehow missed this one but as soon as I got on Substack I saw the notification!
I feel that by small bursts sometimes. I can't wait for the feeling to stay a little more; but I can feel its shape in what you write here, and that makes me so happy for you.
I relate to this comic so much. It's not exactly what you're saying, but before transitioning I always got the "she doesn't know how hot she is" and "if you would just wear some makeup, you'd be stunning," etc. Now that I present as a man, I don't quite feel like I'm aesthetically beautiful anymore and I thought I didn't want beauty anymore... turns out, I really do. Just not as a woman and not for someone else's pleasure
i feel like i'm getting closer to the point you're at too, so happy you're finally (most of the time) content with how you look.
it's funny cause it took me going on T and trying to be as 'masculine' as i could and then going off t and being more 'feminine', shaving my hair to ✨experiment✨, with the fulll intent of growing it out as long as possible afterwards, now i have a wolf cut and i'm not going back to short hair in a long while. turns out all along i just desired to look like a soft masc lesbian xd
As a trans dude, never felt more represented. Thx Nate, your comics always make me feel better about my own transition. Sending much love from 🇧🇷🫰🏽
So beautiful, thank you. Not trans but this echoes so many of my own thoughts on getting older and more conscious of myself, which Ive not seen articulated before
Was that a secret Tintin equation 👏
I have a different relationship with my body as someone who used to be very active and confident in my skin and now is bedbound with a disease. I often find myself feeling angry at my body for being broken, or I find myself feeling guilty because somehow inexplicably my disease must be my fault. This post brought up powerful feelings - I’m *not* crying. Thank you, I really needed it today.
It’s very strange to be a shy person and also want to project your SELF outward via your appearance. I struggle with this too. I really value and enjoy human connection, but I’m also autistic, and sometimes Other People are just TOO MUCH. I have brightly colored hair, so lots of people want to stop and compliment it. Which is amazing! And so kind! But there are times when it feels excruciating to be noticed. There is an expectation that because my hair is loud, I’ll always be willing to extrovert. My hair is loud because that’s how I feel the most like myself. But it is often viewed as an invitation to connect when actually, it’s just a fact. This is my appearance! I wonder how much personal signaling is considered an invitation when it should always be considered a fact. Lots to think about there!
(Also, if I saw you on the street and ever did a double take, it would 1000% be because I am A Fan, and would be fighting an internal battle between not wanting to invade your privacy and rushing up to you and telling you how meaningful your work is to me and my family.)
Dudeeeee I feel and felt exactly like that. Since it's summer I feel a lot more self conscious about my looks because my body is more easily perceived. And I can't stop feeling a bit uncomfortable at the uncertainty of not knowing what I'm going to look like in the future. But there is no "end result" really. Real life Its not about the before and after photos. It's really reassuring that you say you have been able to accept your personality to see that it's not really a confidence problem all the time. I'm not very good at fleeting social interactions myself, but I think that if I give myself the chance to 1) get out there and practice a lot and mess up until I get it right and 2) love myself and believe in what I'm putting out to the world, with a smile on my face and my head high, I think I will be able to feel okay and confident in my body. Still, it's hard to not be worried about being likable when it's kind of a safety mechanism, but sometimes people genuinely don't care and are just nice to you. I like giving that energy back.
God, I really really relate to this. I’ve been struggling a lot with my self image as T started really changing my body and it’s so confusing bc I am more comfortable generally, but I also feel so lost??? Like somewhere in medically transitioning I’ve lost my sense of style and honestly I just feel like an ugly blob. It’s confusing and frustrating and I don’t know what kind of guy I want to be. Thanks for this 💗
This story, right here ☝🏼, _this_ is beautiful. Thanks, once again, Nate 🫶🏼
You said “unearned” confidence, but my dialectic (and loving) retort is that one hand, you totally earned it - you’ve been through a whole intense journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. On the other hand, none of us need to earn confidence. Btw judging by your drawings, you look absolutely “wonderful” 😊
I love that line "to be freed from the burden of beauty." I think that striving for beauty is toxic, especially for young girls (full disclosure: I just started reading Reviving Ophelia last night to help me guide my two daughters through the challenges that lie ahead for them).
Oh Nate, you really capture something that feels so true to where I'm at in my journey right now. I had top surgery in May, and as someone who identifies as non-binary and often questions (internally) whether I'm trying to put off that "maybe I just want to do the full thing and just give in to being a trans man" but I /know/ I'm afraid of being ugly (that Man Mystery Box of Hot or Ugly is really doing numbers on my psyche), it's helpful to remember that NO MATTER WHAT I CHOOSE, I'm just becoming more ~me~.
And that is wonderful, whatever it looks like. Thank you.
ND 😭 thank you for capturing and sharing a bunch of things I was feeling but didn't know how to express.