I think this resonated with me more than any comic you've put out Nate. For so long I hated the loud mouth, autistic child I was who never made any friends because she couldn't pick up on social cues. Humor helped me bond with people in my late teens, and a big part of that was taking jabs at myself. I forgot to have love for that little girl who just wanted people to like her. It almost felt cruel that I was contributing to the slander of her, even though she is me. I'm so happy you're learning to love all parts of yourself, past present and future. You're amazing Nate, and you always were.
I know I say this a lot here but-- thank you, again and again, for these vulnerable comics. They feel very raw and honest and they're very, very moving - a lot of them make me cry, or almost cry; not of sadness but of... feelings? Thank you for sharing them. Just... seeing you here, trying to hear and accept and embrace yourself, and feeling reflected in some of those experiences, it... it fills me with a sort of hope? I don't know exactly, but it feels meaningful, seeing you live out there, building safety and self-acceptance.
I relate to this so much in so many ways. It took years after my son getting diagnosed autistic to realize that my daughter and myself were as well. Helped us understand ourselves so much better, but the struggle for years left it's mark and it'll continue to be a struggle. I agree that covid isolation, while so nice in some ways, has made being out and social so much harder. I have so much anxiety about it now.
Ever since puberty, I’ve also struggled with my emotions. I’ve lived with this toxic notion that “big kids don’t cry” which is actually very dangerous.
As I’ve grown up, I realize that all of my very harsh self criticisms and my toxic inner critic have gotten so bad that it almost seems like I’m addicted to my own pain. Like a screwed up version of masochism. All this is not helping me, but I can’t stop putting myself down for nothing.
Alas, there is hope. Ever since finding out I was NB (slowly) and talking about transitioning in the future, the more I talk about it, the more hope I have for myself. Transitioning doesn’t solve anyone’s problems completely, but having someone who is sort of experiencing the same things you are in a sort of connected way, despite the age difference can really be helpful, especially if they are also trans and non binary. Since then I’ve become happier. Even though I still deal with inner demons, I still want to let that poor undervalued inner child of mine with overflowing creative juices know that he (my pronouns are he/they) is important to me, just like everyone else who cares about me.
I learned that having someone who loves you so freely, lifts you up, and roots for you can be more beneficial than you realize.
I hope someday I can make peace with the so called bad parts, because one cannot exist fully without the equal parts both good and bad inside their soul.
I’m not perfect, but I do know that even though it is taking me years to embrace that, doing it will be worth it.
And I do know that someone out there is watching out for me, just as I am for my inner self.
The good and bad parts are all a part of one’s identity. They just need to nurture them. It’s the best you can do to make yourself stronger as the world tears you down. Remember. The people you love can be the most powerful impacts on your life.
To all the people who supported me, I love you all so much, and thank you for accompanying me on this very bumpy never ending journey.
It helped me knowing that it’s not exclusive to being trans masc to feel like you’re not serving your inner child. Being trans isn’t a betrayal of your past self, it’s a triumph of your inner self. I personally struggle(d?) with these same feelings. All people grow and change and lose touch with their child selves, all of us eventually get back in touch with that version of ourselves as we age. That shitty Benjamin button movie almost explained this idea, but no cigar. I’m working on the words for it, nice to see a visual from a pro instead.
I used to draw comics on the back of IKEA checklist papers - you know the ones that are scattered throughout the store, to help you note down what piece of furniture you liked as you traversed the endless loops of the kitchen section - yeah, those. My parents went to IKEA a lot when I was 9, and while they were looking at bookshelves, I was drawing. Then, I would take those papers home, and redraw the panels in my notebook... I made an entire comic this way.
I still have that notebook. And arguably, the dumbest comic ever made.
I've been thinking of redrawing it again, in my current art style, as a tribute to my younger self... I cannot wait ^_^
yeah. i think about things in this vein a lot and you hit it right on the head.
i think the pandemic has done a lot of...undoing? in how we as neurodivergent people or people with sensory issues process the world. and it's difficult to relearn how to jump into things and mask and Cope as an adult, especially with so much less of the allowances that we give to children who are first learning how to exist in the sensory barrage of the world.
the thing you said about bullying your emotions away really resonated with me. i remember chanting insults at myself in my head as a teenager when i wasn't able to deal with things or wasn't doing as well as i had told myself to do, in order to force myself to do better. and you're right — it does work. but you're also right in that the root method of doing better is damaging, and if anything good came out of this pandemic for me, and hopefully for a lot of other people as well, it's that... allowance of regrowth in a more gentle and kind manner. treating the children we used to be, and still are in some sense, with the space and respect they should have been given to grow into themselves at their own pace.
long comment, but essentially: thanks for making this one, nate. it said something really important.
p.s. i've been struggling with my choice to go towards comics and writing and visual storytelling as a career recently — i keep getting second thoughts and telling myself i'd help more people as a doctor or a scientist. comics like these and the way that they articulate feelings and ease unspoken burdens on people keep reminding me why i'm drawn back to storytelling again and again. thanks for that as well.
Since the pandemic I also get worse. I usually get mentally tired and it feels like my brain is stuck and saturated at the same time (?) Idk if that makes senses but that's how I feel. I used to feel that way in high school, but now it happens to me even just with friends. Anyway, I'm working on it, thank you for making people (like me) feel not alone through your art, Nate 💙
What a great comic Nate. I am living a very similar situation and after these last year's I feel I lost a lot of my emotional strength, that has always been lackluster and that I had built so hardly during the years. Hugs.
You are amazing, and I'm always so grateful for these deep, vulnerable stories you share. (and the humorous ones too, obvi 😂) I always either feel seen, learn something new, or just feel more settled/grounded even in the midst of the chaos of the world afterward. Thank you for your gift of self.
oof, yes, this hit very hard. especially the fantasy of the magical secret room. i moved into an apartment of my own a month before quarantine hit; i've lived alone for close to 3 years now, and as much as i love the idea of finding a partner to build a home with, part of me is terrified of giving up the privacy and freedom of my solitude.
This is really powerful, Nate. I think we all have at least one strong childhood trait that stays with us wherever we go. This is a gentle reminder that I should probably do some examining and see what I’m not paying attention to - what fragment of little me needs some love right now. I hope you’re doing well, thank you as always for sharing in such a vulnerable and relatable way.
I feel you so strongly when it comes to being kind to my younger self, and feeling like I used to be able to handle things that I can’t anymore - I’m trying to think of it like my younger self had to harden to be safe and protect herself, and now I’m allowed to soften in so many ways. I can be vulnerable and sensitive and hurt because now I have people who will never judge me for feeling those things, and support me unconditionally.
I think this resonated with me more than any comic you've put out Nate. For so long I hated the loud mouth, autistic child I was who never made any friends because she couldn't pick up on social cues. Humor helped me bond with people in my late teens, and a big part of that was taking jabs at myself. I forgot to have love for that little girl who just wanted people to like her. It almost felt cruel that I was contributing to the slander of her, even though she is me. I'm so happy you're learning to love all parts of yourself, past present and future. You're amazing Nate, and you always were.
I know I say this a lot here but-- thank you, again and again, for these vulnerable comics. They feel very raw and honest and they're very, very moving - a lot of them make me cry, or almost cry; not of sadness but of... feelings? Thank you for sharing them. Just... seeing you here, trying to hear and accept and embrace yourself, and feeling reflected in some of those experiences, it... it fills me with a sort of hope? I don't know exactly, but it feels meaningful, seeing you live out there, building safety and self-acceptance.
I relate to this so much in so many ways. It took years after my son getting diagnosed autistic to realize that my daughter and myself were as well. Helped us understand ourselves so much better, but the struggle for years left it's mark and it'll continue to be a struggle. I agree that covid isolation, while so nice in some ways, has made being out and social so much harder. I have so much anxiety about it now.
The truth is…
Ever since puberty, I’ve also struggled with my emotions. I’ve lived with this toxic notion that “big kids don’t cry” which is actually very dangerous.
As I’ve grown up, I realize that all of my very harsh self criticisms and my toxic inner critic have gotten so bad that it almost seems like I’m addicted to my own pain. Like a screwed up version of masochism. All this is not helping me, but I can’t stop putting myself down for nothing.
Alas, there is hope. Ever since finding out I was NB (slowly) and talking about transitioning in the future, the more I talk about it, the more hope I have for myself. Transitioning doesn’t solve anyone’s problems completely, but having someone who is sort of experiencing the same things you are in a sort of connected way, despite the age difference can really be helpful, especially if they are also trans and non binary. Since then I’ve become happier. Even though I still deal with inner demons, I still want to let that poor undervalued inner child of mine with overflowing creative juices know that he (my pronouns are he/they) is important to me, just like everyone else who cares about me.
I learned that having someone who loves you so freely, lifts you up, and roots for you can be more beneficial than you realize.
I hope someday I can make peace with the so called bad parts, because one cannot exist fully without the equal parts both good and bad inside their soul.
I’m not perfect, but I do know that even though it is taking me years to embrace that, doing it will be worth it.
And I do know that someone out there is watching out for me, just as I am for my inner self.
The good and bad parts are all a part of one’s identity. They just need to nurture them. It’s the best you can do to make yourself stronger as the world tears you down. Remember. The people you love can be the most powerful impacts on your life.
To all the people who supported me, I love you all so much, and thank you for accompanying me on this very bumpy never ending journey.
It helped me knowing that it’s not exclusive to being trans masc to feel like you’re not serving your inner child. Being trans isn’t a betrayal of your past self, it’s a triumph of your inner self. I personally struggle(d?) with these same feelings. All people grow and change and lose touch with their child selves, all of us eventually get back in touch with that version of ourselves as we age. That shitty Benjamin button movie almost explained this idea, but no cigar. I’m working on the words for it, nice to see a visual from a pro instead.
I used to draw comics on the back of IKEA checklist papers - you know the ones that are scattered throughout the store, to help you note down what piece of furniture you liked as you traversed the endless loops of the kitchen section - yeah, those. My parents went to IKEA a lot when I was 9, and while they were looking at bookshelves, I was drawing. Then, I would take those papers home, and redraw the panels in my notebook... I made an entire comic this way.
I still have that notebook. And arguably, the dumbest comic ever made.
I've been thinking of redrawing it again, in my current art style, as a tribute to my younger self... I cannot wait ^_^
This truly is heartbreakingly beautiful
yeah. i think about things in this vein a lot and you hit it right on the head.
i think the pandemic has done a lot of...undoing? in how we as neurodivergent people or people with sensory issues process the world. and it's difficult to relearn how to jump into things and mask and Cope as an adult, especially with so much less of the allowances that we give to children who are first learning how to exist in the sensory barrage of the world.
the thing you said about bullying your emotions away really resonated with me. i remember chanting insults at myself in my head as a teenager when i wasn't able to deal with things or wasn't doing as well as i had told myself to do, in order to force myself to do better. and you're right — it does work. but you're also right in that the root method of doing better is damaging, and if anything good came out of this pandemic for me, and hopefully for a lot of other people as well, it's that... allowance of regrowth in a more gentle and kind manner. treating the children we used to be, and still are in some sense, with the space and respect they should have been given to grow into themselves at their own pace.
long comment, but essentially: thanks for making this one, nate. it said something really important.
p.s. i've been struggling with my choice to go towards comics and writing and visual storytelling as a career recently — i keep getting second thoughts and telling myself i'd help more people as a doctor or a scientist. comics like these and the way that they articulate feelings and ease unspoken burdens on people keep reminding me why i'm drawn back to storytelling again and again. thanks for that as well.
Since the pandemic I also get worse. I usually get mentally tired and it feels like my brain is stuck and saturated at the same time (?) Idk if that makes senses but that's how I feel. I used to feel that way in high school, but now it happens to me even just with friends. Anyway, I'm working on it, thank you for making people (like me) feel not alone through your art, Nate 💙
What a great comic Nate. I am living a very similar situation and after these last year's I feel I lost a lot of my emotional strength, that has always been lackluster and that I had built so hardly during the years. Hugs.
Oh. Oof. Yes. This.
You are amazing, and I'm always so grateful for these deep, vulnerable stories you share. (and the humorous ones too, obvi 😂) I always either feel seen, learn something new, or just feel more settled/grounded even in the midst of the chaos of the world afterward. Thank you for your gift of self.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
oof, yes, this hit very hard. especially the fantasy of the magical secret room. i moved into an apartment of my own a month before quarantine hit; i've lived alone for close to 3 years now, and as much as i love the idea of finding a partner to build a home with, part of me is terrified of giving up the privacy and freedom of my solitude.
This is really powerful, Nate. I think we all have at least one strong childhood trait that stays with us wherever we go. This is a gentle reminder that I should probably do some examining and see what I’m not paying attention to - what fragment of little me needs some love right now. I hope you’re doing well, thank you as always for sharing in such a vulnerable and relatable way.
I feel you so strongly when it comes to being kind to my younger self, and feeling like I used to be able to handle things that I can’t anymore - I’m trying to think of it like my younger self had to harden to be safe and protect herself, and now I’m allowed to soften in so many ways. I can be vulnerable and sensitive and hurt because now I have people who will never judge me for feeling those things, and support me unconditionally.