Good timing on this one. I was wrapping Christmas presents earlier this week and out of nowhere an Audio Adrenaline song from my Evangelic teen days popped into my head with full lyrics from 1999.
I've been agnostic for many years now, but I still have binders of Christian rock CDs I can't bear to part with because they are so representative of a place and time for me.
Having grown up in the Evangelic church in the peak of purity culture, I have a lot baggage from my experience, especially as a baby queer, but also some fond memories of the inter-generational community that forms in churches, something that is hard to find outside of it.
Oh gods, this hits too close to home, at some point I joined the church choir to try to make peace with religion, but the closer I got to music the more it made me realize I wasn't a religious person, the music was just comforting, I'm glad to see more people share a similar feeling
As a former evangelical and child of a pastor - who truly believed with a full heart until she was 17 - I feel all of this so hard. The comfort in the music of the old life (as I like to call it), those doubts that all built up to eventually realizing I had no reason to actually believe, asking God to grant me peace and to speak to my heart and that peace and dialog never arriving...
Thank you for making this and sharing this. It means so much to me.
oh man. yeah. i didnt think there was anyone else who felt a similar way about praise music. i used to try to be religious, i went to youth group, i went to church camp. the only thing that ever felt right to me was when we’d do worship music. hands up or arms around each other as we swayed. you described it “we were together… in those moments, the world made sense.” Yeah. i never believed in god, but sometimes i miss pretending to be religious because of that togetherness. i find comfort in praise music, too. thank you for making me feel less alone
I really believed - until I didn't. And that was hard. And even when I did believe, I didn't want the things I was supposed to want, which is hard, as a chronically ill teen being taken to faith healers, and who is quietly skeptical. In this post I see how it felt in a way that I don't really get to see often, even in the writing of other people with similar faith/doubt trajectories to mine, so thank you for that, sincerely.
I don't know what it is about liturgical music, but I've never been able to shake my love for those rhythms and melodies and lyrics, even as I haven't been in any way markedly religious in almost a decade. Maybe there's some of that Catholic upbringing in it, too, that makes me so enamored with good choral music and cathedraled harmonies when they appear in my life. Whatever the reason, I think you've summed up so concisely why their comfort remains, even as their intended message fades into the night. There is comfort in a shared voice, in a higher purpose, and even if the specifics of a faith set don't hold up to muster in your heart, you can still hold onto the comfort that such unending love in conceivable, on earth or otherwise. There is darkness and there is turnmoil and there is striff in the world and in our own hearts, but hope still remains. It is well with my soul.
Ty for making this, I really relate, especially the panel where you stopped singing with the group. I went to a christian summer camp most of my teenage summers and I definitely felt a sense of 'family' until I was myself and then it all changed. I never really realised why till I read this comic!
That last panel is BEAUTIFUL. Actually, this whole comic is beautiful and melancholy and hopeful. Thank you so much for your vulnerability to share something so personal.
I left the church around 18-19 too, but I still miss the music (especially this time of year). I also still find myself singing my favorite hymns from time to time.
I was literally thinking about this this morning.As someone who studied the hole life in evagelic school,singing Christians songs was basically a routine,the rhythmic was catching and joyfull.
Yesterday I was watching a Christmas special with those singing vegetables and even though I find them silly nowadays,its hard to split from it bc it was my hole childhood in it.
I'm an atheist,but I confess that even though I dont believe it anymore (If I ever believed it) some behaviors never go away.
For some reason you sharing this story made me feel more bearable abt this,because its a feeling hard to describe,not to mention a 'sin', if you're still live in a religious environment.
I know this got big,but I just want to say...thanks
Honestly this awoke something in me so strong that I wrote for the first time in years. Dealing with the after effects of leaving a church and cultish lifestyle but still cherishing the little things from it like the music or community leave you with such contradicting feelings. The music is definitely something that always made me feel at peace and in community even at my darkest places. There was some good. Even in all the bad and in all the things that I had to unlearn from the years of being there and striving to earn my place there, there was still something good even if small. I didn't know there were other people who could understand a fraction of this in the gay community. For once my story doesn't feel like such a lonely one. Thank you.
Good timing on this one. I was wrapping Christmas presents earlier this week and out of nowhere an Audio Adrenaline song from my Evangelic teen days popped into my head with full lyrics from 1999.
I've been agnostic for many years now, but I still have binders of Christian rock CDs I can't bear to part with because they are so representative of a place and time for me.
Having grown up in the Evangelic church in the peak of purity culture, I have a lot baggage from my experience, especially as a baby queer, but also some fond memories of the inter-generational community that forms in churches, something that is hard to find outside of it.
Oh gods, this hits too close to home, at some point I joined the church choir to try to make peace with religion, but the closer I got to music the more it made me realize I wasn't a religious person, the music was just comforting, I'm glad to see more people share a similar feeling
As a former evangelical and child of a pastor - who truly believed with a full heart until she was 17 - I feel all of this so hard. The comfort in the music of the old life (as I like to call it), those doubts that all built up to eventually realizing I had no reason to actually believe, asking God to grant me peace and to speak to my heart and that peace and dialog never arriving...
Thank you for making this and sharing this. It means so much to me.
It's a story specific to you, but I find my own experience echoed in so many parts of it. Thankyou
oh man. yeah. i didnt think there was anyone else who felt a similar way about praise music. i used to try to be religious, i went to youth group, i went to church camp. the only thing that ever felt right to me was when we’d do worship music. hands up or arms around each other as we swayed. you described it “we were together… in those moments, the world made sense.” Yeah. i never believed in god, but sometimes i miss pretending to be religious because of that togetherness. i find comfort in praise music, too. thank you for making me feel less alone
I really believed - until I didn't. And that was hard. And even when I did believe, I didn't want the things I was supposed to want, which is hard, as a chronically ill teen being taken to faith healers, and who is quietly skeptical. In this post I see how it felt in a way that I don't really get to see often, even in the writing of other people with similar faith/doubt trajectories to mine, so thank you for that, sincerely.
I don't know what it is about liturgical music, but I've never been able to shake my love for those rhythms and melodies and lyrics, even as I haven't been in any way markedly religious in almost a decade. Maybe there's some of that Catholic upbringing in it, too, that makes me so enamored with good choral music and cathedraled harmonies when they appear in my life. Whatever the reason, I think you've summed up so concisely why their comfort remains, even as their intended message fades into the night. There is comfort in a shared voice, in a higher purpose, and even if the specifics of a faith set don't hold up to muster in your heart, you can still hold onto the comfort that such unending love in conceivable, on earth or otherwise. There is darkness and there is turnmoil and there is striff in the world and in our own hearts, but hope still remains. It is well with my soul.
Ty for making this, I really relate, especially the panel where you stopped singing with the group. I went to a christian summer camp most of my teenage summers and I definitely felt a sense of 'family' until I was myself and then it all changed. I never really realised why till I read this comic!
That last panel is BEAUTIFUL. Actually, this whole comic is beautiful and melancholy and hopeful. Thank you so much for your vulnerability to share something so personal.
I left the church around 18-19 too, but I still miss the music (especially this time of year). I also still find myself singing my favorite hymns from time to time.
I was literally thinking about this this morning.As someone who studied the hole life in evagelic school,singing Christians songs was basically a routine,the rhythmic was catching and joyfull.
Yesterday I was watching a Christmas special with those singing vegetables and even though I find them silly nowadays,its hard to split from it bc it was my hole childhood in it.
I'm an atheist,but I confess that even though I dont believe it anymore (If I ever believed it) some behaviors never go away.
For some reason you sharing this story made me feel more bearable abt this,because its a feeling hard to describe,not to mention a 'sin', if you're still live in a religious environment.
I know this got big,but I just want to say...thanks
I love this and feel it so much. I miss singing hymns the most.
This is beautiful.
as a questioning (sexuality) Christian I relate in wondering about God and feeling bad about wondering about Him
Honestly this awoke something in me so strong that I wrote for the first time in years. Dealing with the after effects of leaving a church and cultish lifestyle but still cherishing the little things from it like the music or community leave you with such contradicting feelings. The music is definitely something that always made me feel at peace and in community even at my darkest places. There was some good. Even in all the bad and in all the things that I had to unlearn from the years of being there and striving to earn my place there, there was still something good even if small. I didn't know there were other people who could understand a fraction of this in the gay community. For once my story doesn't feel like such a lonely one. Thank you.
Our gay radio station got changed to a christian station recently :(