this was really lovely and relatable to read, especially trying to name yourself like a neopet. let me trade my name for someone else's, already created, lost in the pound and waiting for a home
This hits me right in a deep, tender place. It took me ages to find a name that felt like mine, and it's such a personal and confusing and vulnerable process. I tried using various names on videogame characters, at coffee shops, etc. to see if they resonated, but I never felt comfortable testing out a potential new name with even close friends: I wanted to be SURE before I made an announcement of any kind. My partner and I discussed potential names, but in the end I had to find something for myself. Rowan trees are ancient symbols of strength and perseverance, and I hope that I can carry some amount of that around with me from day to day. My father, who died when I was very young, gave me my birth name, and so I took his middle name, Allen, as my own, because I've always loved it and I wanted to keep my connection to him.
Thank you again for your vulnerability in sharing this so openly. Names are a funny thing - when they feel right it can be so empowering and when they don't (for many reasons) they can be stressful and feel burdensome. I chose my own name in middle school as my birth name never felt right to me and, for me personally, it triggered me back to some negative associations. I had it legally changed when I got married (my wife and I were married just before laws changed in the states so any name change of last names required a legal rather than marital name change - so I just changed it all). I'm happy with my name, but even with my name technically being gender-neutral, I find that I wish all names - like so many things in this world - were not gendered at all. It still leans feminine to a lot of peoples' perceptions, and as I am learning about my own gender identity I wish I was viewed as "person" rather than "gender".
If this just isn't the right fit or if suggestions are unhelpful, I totally get it (for all I know you have tried this out), but Noel is a gender neutral version of Noelle. My wife and I discussed this when your name was scratched out in your first post and again today, and they suggested I share the thought here. It would still be connected to the projects you cherish and give a less gendered perception. Again, I certainly do not wish to overstep but thought I would mention it.
Ultimately, you will find the name that makes you feel like the amazing magical dragon-riding prince you are! Take your time, be gentle with yourself, and lean on the people who love and support your journey. You have been a HUGE inspiration to me in figuring out what kind of shapeshifter I want to be (and recognizing it's ok to not know at times), so again, thank you and I wish you all the best!! <3
I went through at least six name changes until I landed at one that felt right (and still feels right! One name I went by for five years before realizing it didn't feel like me anymore), and there were a dozen more names that I nearly went by. I tried so hard to find a name with the same first initial as my old name because having the same initials as my dad was important to me, but in the end I had to let go of that too.
Names are weird. Not like the concept of names but the fact that someone else chose a name for and then that's it? Nah, don't like that, cheers. I want a name I can relate to and call my own, not one that's given to me. I go by my childhood nickname now (Quiche) but my parents still call me my birth name. And I'm proud of that, you know? It's not a bad name just... not me anymore. People change so why should names stay the same if they don't fit anymore?
I too am stuck looking for a name. I've tried a few, names that I really love but none of them are quite right, especially when spoken aloud by others. I hate it. I want them to fit.
This makes so much sense, you explained this so beautifully. Funny enough, my AMAB cousin was named Noel and changed their name to Noelle when they came out as non binary. You don't need to figure it out right away. I hope you know though that your friends are there to help you through this, not just wait while you figure it out on your own. I'm sure they don't mind you asking them to use another name.
This is a beautiful exploration, and really resonates with me! I was born 'David' but later felt detached from this name as I explored my trans identity, trying out the name 'Leah' for some time - but eventually drifted away from it as I couldn't commit myself to the change, and was unsure about whether it suited me.
Later, my boyfriend gave me the wonderful suggestion to simply go by my last name, Bailey, given that it's also a gender-neutral given name, and I could get away with it in front of family members or other people who still knew me by my birth name.
After still not feeling quite right as I had to explain to new people I met that, no, my first name isn't really Bailey, it's David, but I go by my last name 'Bailey', but treat it as my first name... I decided to explore first names once again, and came across the name Valerie.
I finally feel able, comfortable even, to commit to a new name, the name Valerie, now using it as I introduce myself to new people and across new online accounts. I'm not yet ready to give up the name 'David' in all contexts, rather aiming for a gradual transition, using my new name wherever appropriate.
Allow yourself to take as much time as you need to explore this part of your identity! I promise your friends are more than happy to go through this journey with you, even if it feels like you're demanding a lot by frequently asking them to try new names. I've been on their side too - to me, it's beautiful to see someone blossoming, even if that's a gradual process with lots of changes and uncertainties along the way ❤️
I used to use my nowadays name as a internet name, only for people who don't know me to call it so they wouldnt know who they are calling, like I was a different person. When I started thinking about legally change it I didn't thought I would use it, it didn't felt right cause it was "internet me" "other me" "not really me... right?" So I tried thinking about other names, searching, getting different names in starbucks orders. After a long time I realized that my name was mine all along, I just didn't felt "the right me" cause I was scared how much of a different person I really was inside vs what I show to people. I didn't wanna feel apart from me anymore and if that meant people would think I changed too much? That was okay if I was in peace with myself.
Ah, I don’t usually post things because the internet unnerves me a bit, but here goes:
1. To your stories are relatable and important (generally, and to me) would be both redundant and a vast understatement!
2. Err, honouring that dragons seem to show up *some* in your drawings and works, if the name of a (Turkish) mythological sexless dragon might resonate, you’re welcome to try out the name “Evren”. :)
I really appreciate you sharing this with us. I have always believed that names have power and that we are influenced into becoming who we are based on our names — either birth names or those we choose. So it's a huge decision. I wish you the best on your journey, and if I could offer anything, it would be to encourage you to not feel rushed. When you find the right name, you'll know. 💜
I'm in the exact same situation right now and it's so nice to feel less alone. I've been trying to choose a new name for quite some time now and even though I tested a few I'm still no closer to finding the right one. How do I choose? What are the right criteria, how to find the answer? I know some people say that you should just feel it, it will feel like you, but what is me? What does it mean, and even if I find the answer to this question what guarantee do I have that this magical me won't change with time?
Our parents had an easier job. They just chose the name for the person they wanted for us to become. We somehow have to find five letters that perfectly describe not only all of our future potential but also everything we are and how we came to become them. And sometimes I find a name and I think, hey maybe this is it. But in the end, it's either too gendered or a few days later I look at and I cannot relate to it at all. It doesn't feel like me. But nothing feels like me so what am I supposed to do now?
Right now I'm mostly nameless and don't feel bad about it (even if it's frustrating and it still feels so wrong when people use my birth name). But god why can't we just receive our new names (and dragons) in some ritual or something. It would be so much easier
This is currently what I'm going through. I want a more gender neutral name but I'm torn because I do like my name but with it I will only be seen as female when I am very much genderfluid. Thank you for sharing this!
i once met a dog named Cool Dog and i've been thinking about them ever since
this was really lovely and relatable to read, especially trying to name yourself like a neopet. let me trade my name for someone else's, already created, lost in the pound and waiting for a home
Every time you post one of these I feel like I fall deeper into myself…
This hits me right in a deep, tender place. It took me ages to find a name that felt like mine, and it's such a personal and confusing and vulnerable process. I tried using various names on videogame characters, at coffee shops, etc. to see if they resonated, but I never felt comfortable testing out a potential new name with even close friends: I wanted to be SURE before I made an announcement of any kind. My partner and I discussed potential names, but in the end I had to find something for myself. Rowan trees are ancient symbols of strength and perseverance, and I hope that I can carry some amount of that around with me from day to day. My father, who died when I was very young, gave me my birth name, and so I took his middle name, Allen, as my own, because I've always loved it and I wanted to keep my connection to him.
Thank you again for your vulnerability in sharing this so openly. Names are a funny thing - when they feel right it can be so empowering and when they don't (for many reasons) they can be stressful and feel burdensome. I chose my own name in middle school as my birth name never felt right to me and, for me personally, it triggered me back to some negative associations. I had it legally changed when I got married (my wife and I were married just before laws changed in the states so any name change of last names required a legal rather than marital name change - so I just changed it all). I'm happy with my name, but even with my name technically being gender-neutral, I find that I wish all names - like so many things in this world - were not gendered at all. It still leans feminine to a lot of peoples' perceptions, and as I am learning about my own gender identity I wish I was viewed as "person" rather than "gender".
If this just isn't the right fit or if suggestions are unhelpful, I totally get it (for all I know you have tried this out), but Noel is a gender neutral version of Noelle. My wife and I discussed this when your name was scratched out in your first post and again today, and they suggested I share the thought here. It would still be connected to the projects you cherish and give a less gendered perception. Again, I certainly do not wish to overstep but thought I would mention it.
Ultimately, you will find the name that makes you feel like the amazing magical dragon-riding prince you are! Take your time, be gentle with yourself, and lean on the people who love and support your journey. You have been a HUGE inspiration to me in figuring out what kind of shapeshifter I want to be (and recognizing it's ok to not know at times), so again, thank you and I wish you all the best!! <3
I went through at least six name changes until I landed at one that felt right (and still feels right! One name I went by for five years before realizing it didn't feel like me anymore), and there were a dozen more names that I nearly went by. I tried so hard to find a name with the same first initial as my old name because having the same initials as my dad was important to me, but in the end I had to let go of that too.
This resonates so hard with me, thank you
Names are weird. Not like the concept of names but the fact that someone else chose a name for and then that's it? Nah, don't like that, cheers. I want a name I can relate to and call my own, not one that's given to me. I go by my childhood nickname now (Quiche) but my parents still call me my birth name. And I'm proud of that, you know? It's not a bad name just... not me anymore. People change so why should names stay the same if they don't fit anymore?
I too am stuck looking for a name. I've tried a few, names that I really love but none of them are quite right, especially when spoken aloud by others. I hate it. I want them to fit.
This makes so much sense, you explained this so beautifully. Funny enough, my AMAB cousin was named Noel and changed their name to Noelle when they came out as non binary. You don't need to figure it out right away. I hope you know though that your friends are there to help you through this, not just wait while you figure it out on your own. I'm sure they don't mind you asking them to use another name.
This is a beautiful exploration, and really resonates with me! I was born 'David' but later felt detached from this name as I explored my trans identity, trying out the name 'Leah' for some time - but eventually drifted away from it as I couldn't commit myself to the change, and was unsure about whether it suited me.
Later, my boyfriend gave me the wonderful suggestion to simply go by my last name, Bailey, given that it's also a gender-neutral given name, and I could get away with it in front of family members or other people who still knew me by my birth name.
After still not feeling quite right as I had to explain to new people I met that, no, my first name isn't really Bailey, it's David, but I go by my last name 'Bailey', but treat it as my first name... I decided to explore first names once again, and came across the name Valerie.
I finally feel able, comfortable even, to commit to a new name, the name Valerie, now using it as I introduce myself to new people and across new online accounts. I'm not yet ready to give up the name 'David' in all contexts, rather aiming for a gradual transition, using my new name wherever appropriate.
Allow yourself to take as much time as you need to explore this part of your identity! I promise your friends are more than happy to go through this journey with you, even if it feels like you're demanding a lot by frequently asking them to try new names. I've been on their side too - to me, it's beautiful to see someone blossoming, even if that's a gradual process with lots of changes and uncertainties along the way ❤️
I used to use my nowadays name as a internet name, only for people who don't know me to call it so they wouldnt know who they are calling, like I was a different person. When I started thinking about legally change it I didn't thought I would use it, it didn't felt right cause it was "internet me" "other me" "not really me... right?" So I tried thinking about other names, searching, getting different names in starbucks orders. After a long time I realized that my name was mine all along, I just didn't felt "the right me" cause I was scared how much of a different person I really was inside vs what I show to people. I didn't wanna feel apart from me anymore and if that meant people would think I changed too much? That was okay if I was in peace with myself.
ND seems pretty cool to go by for now, like BJ Hunnicut or CJ Cregg.
I hope you find the right name for you.
Ah, I don’t usually post things because the internet unnerves me a bit, but here goes:
1. To your stories are relatable and important (generally, and to me) would be both redundant and a vast understatement!
2. Err, honouring that dragons seem to show up *some* in your drawings and works, if the name of a (Turkish) mythological sexless dragon might resonate, you’re welcome to try out the name “Evren”. :)
I really appreciate you sharing this with us. I have always believed that names have power and that we are influenced into becoming who we are based on our names — either birth names or those we choose. So it's a huge decision. I wish you the best on your journey, and if I could offer anything, it would be to encourage you to not feel rushed. When you find the right name, you'll know. 💜
I'm in the exact same situation right now and it's so nice to feel less alone. I've been trying to choose a new name for quite some time now and even though I tested a few I'm still no closer to finding the right one. How do I choose? What are the right criteria, how to find the answer? I know some people say that you should just feel it, it will feel like you, but what is me? What does it mean, and even if I find the answer to this question what guarantee do I have that this magical me won't change with time?
Our parents had an easier job. They just chose the name for the person they wanted for us to become. We somehow have to find five letters that perfectly describe not only all of our future potential but also everything we are and how we came to become them. And sometimes I find a name and I think, hey maybe this is it. But in the end, it's either too gendered or a few days later I look at and I cannot relate to it at all. It doesn't feel like me. But nothing feels like me so what am I supposed to do now?
Right now I'm mostly nameless and don't feel bad about it (even if it's frustrating and it still feels so wrong when people use my birth name). But god why can't we just receive our new names (and dragons) in some ritual or something. It would be so much easier
This is currently what I'm going through. I want a more gender neutral name but I'm torn because I do like my name but with it I will only be seen as female when I am very much genderfluid. Thank you for sharing this!