As a NB transmasc lesbian i feel this so much! I'm not a girl, don't fucking call me a girl, but I want to be apart of a girls! I'm not a boy, and I don't want be one. But I do kinda want to look like one! It's so hard to exist in an in between space, in such a binary world
This speaks even to my limited genderfluidity, and it feels so right about how gender feels sometimes, the way you tell this, and-- and I'm on the verge of tears again.
I usually go to the all-gender bathrooms but they are on the 3rd floor of my building or at the bottom of the next one over. I use the girls room when I don’t do all-gender and I’ve been using the same bathroom since I started in this area as a temp in 2017 because they’ve bounced the offices I worked for into the same suite. It’s definitely been so strange measuring the looks I get as people see me more as a man, especially when I’ve been using this room for longer than they have. Sometimes they apologize, I can only imagine they thought they walked into the wrong bathroom. Sometimes they linger, trying to clock what kind of trans I am. I’ve gotten a few glares too, which make me nervous but then I get my home turf buff.
I’ve had a strange, evolving relationship with that women’s room sign. if I catch sight of the sign it burns into my brain and it’s like that moment happens in slow motion. It was worse before I started T at all, but still It’s like coming face to face with the conundrum in real life. I’ve tried the men’s room and it’s not better. It’s just being once again confronted with the reality that I am not a floating consciousness but am actually piloting this flesh vessel. I’ve liked the way I’ve looked before and I like dressing in ways that I like to see, but even those moments don’t translate into connection between the experience and the body. I’m not convinced anything I wear could bridge the gap between the two. Not in a sad way either. Just in a way of finding peace with it.
You sharing your gender and transition/ experience of just being you has tremendously helped me in learning about my own transmasc identity. Thank you so much for all of this 💜 And also thank you in general for the silly posts, the serious posts, and all the other amazing art you bring into the world you’re so rad for that
All of your posts on gender are such a MOOD and so inspiring, even (and perhaps especially) the ones where you don't have all the answers. I appreciate you sharing. It helps conceptualise a lot of feelings for myself and others.
I am an Assistant Principal in an Australian high school. OMG, you would love the reactions I get when I suggest that all reference to gender should be removed from all school records. You would think I had suggested that we end civilisation.
People like labels, which is a shame. We aren't just one thing, we don't need to be put into specific boxes. I am me, you are you, we're both people. Nothing else matters. That's how I see it anyway.
It’s only a shame when labels limit people or people force labels onto others. Labels can be a beautiful source or power to find and name identities and find community
I think a way I'd put it is that it's clarity. You might not fully understand what it is that you're seeing but you know you can see it clearly. That's I how I feel about my identity.
Thank you for this. It's really hard to put this into words, especially most conversations I have about being nb start and end with justifying that yes I am nb. Transitioning remains probably the best decision I've ever made, but it definitely comes with baggage and makes some things complicated. It just feels so hard to talk about.
As a NB transmasc lesbian i feel this so much! I'm not a girl, don't fucking call me a girl, but I want to be apart of a girls! I'm not a boy, and I don't want be one. But I do kinda want to look like one! It's so hard to exist in an in between space, in such a binary world
Big same, friend.
Somehow. Without having the words. You found the words. This this this.
This speaks even to my limited genderfluidity, and it feels so right about how gender feels sometimes, the way you tell this, and-- and I'm on the verge of tears again.
I usually go to the all-gender bathrooms but they are on the 3rd floor of my building or at the bottom of the next one over. I use the girls room when I don’t do all-gender and I’ve been using the same bathroom since I started in this area as a temp in 2017 because they’ve bounced the offices I worked for into the same suite. It’s definitely been so strange measuring the looks I get as people see me more as a man, especially when I’ve been using this room for longer than they have. Sometimes they apologize, I can only imagine they thought they walked into the wrong bathroom. Sometimes they linger, trying to clock what kind of trans I am. I’ve gotten a few glares too, which make me nervous but then I get my home turf buff.
I’ve had a strange, evolving relationship with that women’s room sign. if I catch sight of the sign it burns into my brain and it’s like that moment happens in slow motion. It was worse before I started T at all, but still It’s like coming face to face with the conundrum in real life. I’ve tried the men’s room and it’s not better. It’s just being once again confronted with the reality that I am not a floating consciousness but am actually piloting this flesh vessel. I’ve liked the way I’ve looked before and I like dressing in ways that I like to see, but even those moments don’t translate into connection between the experience and the body. I’m not convinced anything I wear could bridge the gap between the two. Not in a sad way either. Just in a way of finding peace with it.
The world needs gender neutral bathrooms everywhere
dear ND,
this is beautiful
"something strange and yet achingly familiar"
thank you!
love,
myq
You sharing your gender and transition/ experience of just being you has tremendously helped me in learning about my own transmasc identity. Thank you so much for all of this 💜 And also thank you in general for the silly posts, the serious posts, and all the other amazing art you bring into the world you’re so rad for that
There you go being relatable again
All of your posts on gender are such a MOOD and so inspiring, even (and perhaps especially) the ones where you don't have all the answers. I appreciate you sharing. It helps conceptualise a lot of feelings for myself and others.
I am an Assistant Principal in an Australian high school. OMG, you would love the reactions I get when I suggest that all reference to gender should be removed from all school records. You would think I had suggested that we end civilisation.
Gender notes can also be very helpful for trans kids too tho! Otherwise they may get misgendered by their teachers :3
If i had a kid i’d move states to send them to your school. It’s wild how entrenched sex/gender is in the most weird places.
I know it's going to be a deep one when the title's just a date.
You may not feel you know how to explain it, but thank you for helping me understand it so much better!
People like labels, which is a shame. We aren't just one thing, we don't need to be put into specific boxes. I am me, you are you, we're both people. Nothing else matters. That's how I see it anyway.
It’s only a shame when labels limit people or people force labels onto others. Labels can be a beautiful source or power to find and name identities and find community
That's fair, just far too often they seem to be used to harm or divide rather than for good.
I think a way I'd put it is that it's clarity. You might not fully understand what it is that you're seeing but you know you can see it clearly. That's I how I feel about my identity.
Thank you for this. It's really hard to put this into words, especially most conversations I have about being nb start and end with justifying that yes I am nb. Transitioning remains probably the best decision I've ever made, but it definitely comes with baggage and makes some things complicated. It just feels so hard to talk about.
love you nate <3
This all make sense to me somehow.