As a big masc person, I felt what you're talking about with size (just the other end of the spectrum). It really is such a pain in the ass but it's so awesome to see your adventure!
Now THIS is the kind of post I’d been waiting for…I’m constantly in awe of your style Nate! You and Molly always look like you know exactly what you’re doing when it comes to fashion and style that’s like gay and casual? It’s something I’ve been envious of for awhile. But it’s nice to know that it’s not a simple process, and that it’s ongoing, and I should try not to let myself get too frustrated. It can be very overwhelming seeing ads on Instagram for stuff I want that’s expensive and then I don’t know my size and the place has no physical store to go to for trying stuff on, I think is the main thing that stops me from really exploring what I want my wardrobe to look like. (I know I need to like, actually measure myself 🤦🏻) I end up just going for practical and cheap stuff most of the time, but I want to challenge myself to try new things. I think my look is mostly androgynous, but I wanna try more masc stuff. And my brother is getting married next year and I’ve decided I want to wear a suit to the wedding, which will be a first for me. So I’m currently exploring my options there…my brother recommended a company to me that he’s bought from, but I’m trying to look around and get inspo from fellow queer people too. Any recommendations are incredibly appreciated!
This really resonated with me. I'm so glad you've found some foundational pieces you like!
Clothes/presentation are such a struggle. I'm nonbinary, AFAB, and curvy, and still figuring out what being nonbinary means for my presentation, because clothes seem pretty divided into "masculine" or "feminine." I still haven't quite figured it out, but one thing that a friend recommended was coming up with archetypes to dress towards, e.g. pirate, punk, Muppet, etc., rather than focusing on the gender of the clothes themselves.
So glad you’re finding stuff that fits your body and your style! For you and anyone else that likes colorful (albeit more traditional/vintage) menswear, check out @dandywellington on Insta. He’s a color and print MASTER. I don’t even wear suits and I love seeing the combos he comes up with
I remember in my late twenties I decided I would no longer buy any article of clothing that I didn't feel 100% good about. Mostly this was about pants, which have always been difficult for me because I am super slim and short and it seems so many clothes made for slim woms assume people must be like, six foot. It also didn't help that a lot of "women's" pants would have half pockets or fake pockets, so I'd have ill-fitting pants with useless pockets and it annoyed me.
Finding that pricing sweet spot changed things for me, for sure. As did discovering Uni Qlo, which I swear was made for my exact body type. It stung, at first, to spent $50 on a pair of jeans (I was barely managing on minimum wage) but once I discovered the "men's" Uni Qlo jeans fit me *perfectly*, there was no going back.
as a masc enby who just got top surgery last month, this feels extremely real! My struggle has been majority of my old clothes were huge because I wanted to hide my chest. But now a lot of shirts in smaller sizes are too tight on my hips so I’ve been either cropping or looking around at different brands to see what fits. I do like that Abercrombie has been having a cropped moment because their shirts are :chef’s kiss:
Clothing should only feel like a costume if you are intending to wear a costume. Otherwise, they should make you feel good, make you feel like yourself. I'm glad you're finding what works for you.
I met you at the first day of FlameCon and you were wearing a tunic and I would love to know where you got it. Or if anyone else has recommendations for clothes that I can wear to work while also still feeling like a woodland creature I would love to hear them. I think the purest form of my gender is just Gremlin
A niche rec, but I recently bought a hanfu (traditional Chinese) shirt from the online shop Nuwa Hanfu and that might have the kind of vibes you're looking for. (There is a men's/unisex section! https://nuwahanfu.com/collections/men-unisex-hanfu )
The owner also has a YouTube and I think a TikTok, and she shows examples of how to mix and match pieces with more modern clothes. She's very encouraging of this kind of experimentation regardless of whether you happen to be Chinese. I just throw my hanfu shirt over a T-shirt and jeans and pair it with wireframe sunglasses, and I feel delightfully anachronistic, like a comfy time traveler.
When you order, there's actually a construction period as the clothes are being made for you. They're more expensive than fast fashion, because someone at a smaller/independent Chinese brand is actually getting paid to make them, and the material and construction quality are really nice. I'll probably order more at some point.
I keep feeling that male clothing (at least the daily wear I see) is mostly less playful than women's clothing. A couple of years ago I started to buy more shirts (and sometimes sweaters) with artwork from artists I like. I want to get better at repairing old jeans with colorful yarn, but even as my lack of competence shows I still love those mendings in bright colors. Socks with motives like dancing avocados or Munch's Scream are fun, too. Thanks to a partner who's great at the sewing machine (all self-taught), I have two or three pieces that look awesome, and she helped me with sewing comfy pants in a fabric I chose.
It's definitely a long journey, and I'm curious if my realization that I'm non-binary/demi-male will change it much. Probably not all that much, but I'm trying nail polish (so far only alternating two colors between fingers). I rarely do it so far - I lack the patience needed for the polish to dry properly.
Your comics are always so relatable. Trying to find masculine clothes both for every day wear and especially dress up has been such a process for me. Before I realized I’m trans masc I used to have lots of skirts and dresses so I always had options for what to wear. Now I’ve got tons of button ups, some ties, dress pants and nice shoes. I finally own two three piece suits as well, thanks to my mom who surprised me for my birthday.
I also got obsessed with Old Navy and bought a bunch of pants and t-shirts in different colors once I figured out my size. Recently I’ve started painting my nails again, growing my hair out and experimenting with wearing jewelry now that I’m further along in my transition and have had top surgery.
This came at the perfect time for me personally! A few years into exploring a more butch/masc presentation, I've realized that a lot of my menswear is incredibly dull and repetitive. I'm itching to start building something more fun. And I still haven't managed to wear a suit to a weddings because I either get entirely overwhelmed or just...bored with the options I find. Bookmarking this one for references and also just for emotional reasons
Figuring out what clothes made me comfortable was a huge part of my trans journey, made difficult in my case by being a chubby, mid-height trans masc fella.
I feel like Substack is reading my mind and showing me past posts that I need to read right now. I’ve been saying there are some conversations I can only have with ND Stevenson, and this is exactly what I mean.
I have no idea what your style is as first post I have read of yours, but I really get this and going through a similar process. I don’t like a majority of the clothes I have in my wardrobe for sensory and new illness reasons, I personally hate going to shops so very restricted to online plus I am not any brands standard size or shape and have hardly any budget. BUT you have given me inspiration to ditch what does not work for me so I can start to define more what does. Thankyou 💜
as a short guy i feel so seen by this. And i always wondered about the change from short women to short man, When Elliot page was Ellen his shortness as her seemed cute and just a detail, a cute quirky spring board. I wonder what he feels like now about this.
As a short man its completely different, ( speaking for myself ) its seen as a negative trait, which male fashion and culture (if you follow it) just makes it look more obvious and makes you look like you have a napoleon complex.
the trick is to semi embrace your height with more form fitting stuff. you don't look like your trying to be tall or short just average.
The kids section is your friend. and sometimes women's stuff too, because the spectrum produces something more masculine, but not too masculine and still built in superior ways.
As a big masc person, I felt what you're talking about with size (just the other end of the spectrum). It really is such a pain in the ass but it's so awesome to see your adventure!
Now THIS is the kind of post I’d been waiting for…I’m constantly in awe of your style Nate! You and Molly always look like you know exactly what you’re doing when it comes to fashion and style that’s like gay and casual? It’s something I’ve been envious of for awhile. But it’s nice to know that it’s not a simple process, and that it’s ongoing, and I should try not to let myself get too frustrated. It can be very overwhelming seeing ads on Instagram for stuff I want that’s expensive and then I don’t know my size and the place has no physical store to go to for trying stuff on, I think is the main thing that stops me from really exploring what I want my wardrobe to look like. (I know I need to like, actually measure myself 🤦🏻) I end up just going for practical and cheap stuff most of the time, but I want to challenge myself to try new things. I think my look is mostly androgynous, but I wanna try more masc stuff. And my brother is getting married next year and I’ve decided I want to wear a suit to the wedding, which will be a first for me. So I’m currently exploring my options there…my brother recommended a company to me that he’s bought from, but I’m trying to look around and get inspo from fellow queer people too. Any recommendations are incredibly appreciated!
No for real, Nate & Molly are style icons as far as I'm concerned.
This really resonated with me. I'm so glad you've found some foundational pieces you like!
Clothes/presentation are such a struggle. I'm nonbinary, AFAB, and curvy, and still figuring out what being nonbinary means for my presentation, because clothes seem pretty divided into "masculine" or "feminine." I still haven't quite figured it out, but one thing that a friend recommended was coming up with archetypes to dress towards, e.g. pirate, punk, Muppet, etc., rather than focusing on the gender of the clothes themselves.
This post also reminded me of a post I wrote awhile back to help folks understand people who transition gender later-in-life, using a metaphor of itchy sweaters: https://majorarqueerna.com/itchy-sweaters-an-allys-guide-to-understanding-late-in-life-pronoun-and-gender-changes/ Sharing here in case it's helpful for anyone!
So glad you’re finding stuff that fits your body and your style! For you and anyone else that likes colorful (albeit more traditional/vintage) menswear, check out @dandywellington on Insta. He’s a color and print MASTER. I don’t even wear suits and I love seeing the combos he comes up with
I remember in my late twenties I decided I would no longer buy any article of clothing that I didn't feel 100% good about. Mostly this was about pants, which have always been difficult for me because I am super slim and short and it seems so many clothes made for slim woms assume people must be like, six foot. It also didn't help that a lot of "women's" pants would have half pockets or fake pockets, so I'd have ill-fitting pants with useless pockets and it annoyed me.
Finding that pricing sweet spot changed things for me, for sure. As did discovering Uni Qlo, which I swear was made for my exact body type. It stung, at first, to spent $50 on a pair of jeans (I was barely managing on minimum wage) but once I discovered the "men's" Uni Qlo jeans fit me *perfectly*, there was no going back.
as a masc enby who just got top surgery last month, this feels extremely real! My struggle has been majority of my old clothes were huge because I wanted to hide my chest. But now a lot of shirts in smaller sizes are too tight on my hips so I’ve been either cropping or looking around at different brands to see what fits. I do like that Abercrombie has been having a cropped moment because their shirts are :chef’s kiss:
Clothing should only feel like a costume if you are intending to wear a costume. Otherwise, they should make you feel good, make you feel like yourself. I'm glad you're finding what works for you.
I met you at the first day of FlameCon and you were wearing a tunic and I would love to know where you got it. Or if anyone else has recommendations for clothes that I can wear to work while also still feeling like a woodland creature I would love to hear them. I think the purest form of my gender is just Gremlin
A niche rec, but I recently bought a hanfu (traditional Chinese) shirt from the online shop Nuwa Hanfu and that might have the kind of vibes you're looking for. (There is a men's/unisex section! https://nuwahanfu.com/collections/men-unisex-hanfu )
The owner also has a YouTube and I think a TikTok, and she shows examples of how to mix and match pieces with more modern clothes. She's very encouraging of this kind of experimentation regardless of whether you happen to be Chinese. I just throw my hanfu shirt over a T-shirt and jeans and pair it with wireframe sunglasses, and I feel delightfully anachronistic, like a comfy time traveler.
When you order, there's actually a construction period as the clothes are being made for you. They're more expensive than fast fashion, because someone at a smaller/independent Chinese brand is actually getting paid to make them, and the material and construction quality are really nice. I'll probably order more at some point.
I keep feeling that male clothing (at least the daily wear I see) is mostly less playful than women's clothing. A couple of years ago I started to buy more shirts (and sometimes sweaters) with artwork from artists I like. I want to get better at repairing old jeans with colorful yarn, but even as my lack of competence shows I still love those mendings in bright colors. Socks with motives like dancing avocados or Munch's Scream are fun, too. Thanks to a partner who's great at the sewing machine (all self-taught), I have two or three pieces that look awesome, and she helped me with sewing comfy pants in a fabric I chose.
It's definitely a long journey, and I'm curious if my realization that I'm non-binary/demi-male will change it much. Probably not all that much, but I'm trying nail polish (so far only alternating two colors between fingers). I rarely do it so far - I lack the patience needed for the polish to dry properly.
Your comics are always so relatable. Trying to find masculine clothes both for every day wear and especially dress up has been such a process for me. Before I realized I’m trans masc I used to have lots of skirts and dresses so I always had options for what to wear. Now I’ve got tons of button ups, some ties, dress pants and nice shoes. I finally own two three piece suits as well, thanks to my mom who surprised me for my birthday.
I also got obsessed with Old Navy and bought a bunch of pants and t-shirts in different colors once I figured out my size. Recently I’ve started painting my nails again, growing my hair out and experimenting with wearing jewelry now that I’m further along in my transition and have had top surgery.
This came at the perfect time for me personally! A few years into exploring a more butch/masc presentation, I've realized that a lot of my menswear is incredibly dull and repetitive. I'm itching to start building something more fun. And I still haven't managed to wear a suit to a weddings because I either get entirely overwhelmed or just...bored with the options I find. Bookmarking this one for references and also just for emotional reasons
Figuring out what clothes made me comfortable was a huge part of my trans journey, made difficult in my case by being a chubby, mid-height trans masc fella.
I feel like Substack is reading my mind and showing me past posts that I need to read right now. I’ve been saying there are some conversations I can only have with ND Stevenson, and this is exactly what I mean.
nice
I have no idea what your style is as first post I have read of yours, but I really get this and going through a similar process. I don’t like a majority of the clothes I have in my wardrobe for sensory and new illness reasons, I personally hate going to shops so very restricted to online plus I am not any brands standard size or shape and have hardly any budget. BUT you have given me inspiration to ditch what does not work for me so I can start to define more what does. Thankyou 💜
as a short guy i feel so seen by this. And i always wondered about the change from short women to short man, When Elliot page was Ellen his shortness as her seemed cute and just a detail, a cute quirky spring board. I wonder what he feels like now about this.
As a short man its completely different, ( speaking for myself ) its seen as a negative trait, which male fashion and culture (if you follow it) just makes it look more obvious and makes you look like you have a napoleon complex.
the trick is to semi embrace your height with more form fitting stuff. you don't look like your trying to be tall or short just average.
The kids section is your friend. and sometimes women's stuff too, because the spectrum produces something more masculine, but not too masculine and still built in superior ways.