30

It’s been a strange, sad year, and I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that. I’ve done a lot I’m proud of and I have many things to be grateful for, but I also feel like I spent most of this past year asleep. Everything’s all blurred together. The future feels so uncertain, and some things don’t hold as much shine as they once did. Still, I’m extending a cautious hope for this new year, because what else can we do but step into the unknown and search for the light?

I accomplished some things this year, quietly. I found my love of writing again in a way I thought I’d lost a long time ago. I regained stability with one old medication and one new. I achieved the transmasc landmark of “wore a mesh shirt in public” and another unexpected transmasc landmark of “I don’t look enough like a cis guy that this I HEART HOT MOMS shirt seems disrespectful, right??” I grew exactly five very excited beard hairs, had my voice drop enough that I tragically cannot sing Kate Bush at karaoke anymore, and took an embarrassing number of mirror selfies trying to figure out if my ass is changing shape. I successfully executed a two-minute plank, but still can’t do a pull-up. I got really emotionally invested in Men in Black III. I tweeted approximately 1 million percent less than I did last year and that was pretty great. I swam with baby otters and that alone is enough to redeem 2021. I gained three new niblings, was a part of two weddings, and got six(?!) new tattoos, including one of Billy Joel lyrics. I chose a new name, and one day I will tell you what it is. There were also a lot of disappointments, a lot of sitting, a lot of screens, a lot of saying “what’s the weather like where you are?” on Zoom, and a whole lot of mindlessly bingeing reality TV shows from 2006. But I’m alive, and I’m fucking THIRTY now, so what’s the worst that can happen??? (2022 if you’re reading this IT’S A JOKE OH MY GOD PLEASE DON’T –)

Happy New Year, everyone. I don’t know if this year will be better or worse, but it’s a new year all the same. And if anyone knows what to watch when we run out of Top Chef, please let me know.